In the 1983 holiday classic A Christmas Story, one vignette involves a prize the Old Man wins in a newspaper contest. When the “major award” arrives, it comes in a wood crate with the word “FRAGILE” on it. (Old Man Parker, played by Darren McGavin, thinks it must be Italian, pronouncing it “frah-jill-ay.”) But to his delight, what the Old Man thinks is a statue at first, is actually a lamp—a woman’s leg wearing a fishnet stocking and a black stiletto, topped by a black-fringed gold shade.
“The Old Man’s eyes boggled—overcome by art,” says Adult Ralphie, voiced by Jean Shepherd.
Deciding that the leg lamp needs a place of honor, the Old Man puts it in the front room window. As he plugs it in, the scene is described, “The snap of a few sparks, a quick whiff of ozone, and the lamp blazed forth in unparalleled glory.”
You find an even better description of the lamp in the movie’s shooting script, “From ankle to thigh, the translucent flesh radiated a vibrant, sensual, luminous, orange/pinkish nimbus of pagan fire.”
Now You Can Own Your Own Leg Lamp
Soon, thanks to the clever marketers at Miller High Life, you can have your own unparalleled glory/leg lamp. Standing at 45 inches tall and weighing a substantial 35 pounds, the poetically-named High Life Leg Lamp Beer Tower wears a cuffed red boot with yellow and red leggings. For this limited-edition lamp, the leg belongs to the Girl in the Moon. She, of course, is the witch-hatted and legging-wearing icon who has graced bottles of “The Champagne of Beers” since 1903. The lamp also includes three puck lights, nine batteries, and a remote control.
Can a leg lamp get any better than this? Yes, it can. In a case of real life being better than the movies, you can fill this leg lamp with beer. That’s right, a sixer of High Life can be poured into it, then dispensed by a small tap at the back. For an added touch of class—not that you need any more when you own a leg lamp—you can purchase a Miller High Life champagne-style coupe glass to drink with. Yes, it comes packed in a big box with “FRAGILE” written on it.
If you’re interested in your own High Life Leg Lamp Beer Tower, they go on sale here on December 9, 2022 at 9:00 a.m. CST. Commemorating Miller High Life’s 120th Anniversary, lamps cost $120. Whether you view it as art or a light-producing beer dispenser, there are no returns. It’s your leg lamp forever—unlike the one in A Christmas Story which is broken by Mrs. Parker while she’s watering the plants (or so she claims). Despite his best efforts and glue, the Old Man is unable to repair the light fixture he calls “indescribably beautiful” before burying it in the backyard by the garage.
“You were always jealous of this lamp,” sneers the Old Man, cradling its shattered remains.
“Jealous of what?” Mrs. Parker snaps. “That is the ugliest lamp that I have ever seen in my entire life.”