The surRealist Review: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice or Nic Cage is a Secret Fight Wizard
Not too long ago, Charlie Sheen made a comment about how he was a Secret Vatican Warlock Assassin and we all laughed. Some of us laughed because we were in on the joke and knew Sheen was just saying weird things for the sake of saying weird things. Others laughed because they honestly believed that he believed what he was saying and those people enjoy it when celebrities go crazy.
No matter which way you cut it though, if Nic Cage proclaimed that he was a Secret Vatican Warlock Assassin, you’d laugh. Not because its crazy, or a joke, but because you could honestly believe that Nic Cage is exactly that. Because he’ll say it in that kind of tired “I’m getting too old for this” voice that implies that not only has he been killing Satanic Ninja Demons for 30 years, but he also had to kill the fake Mega Pope once and yet no one is ever allowed to know.
What am I getting at here? Oh yeah. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. So Nic Cage is an ancient, possibly immortal good Fight Wizard trained by Merlin to take down bad Fight Wizards that have been trained by Morgana le Fay. So he spends lifetimes looking for someone with direct bloodties to Merlin, because being descended from Merlin means you’re capable of being a Super Fight Wizard which is a Fight Wizard even better than Nic Cage.
Ends up that the Scottish viking kid with an American accent from How to Train Your Dragon is said Merlin-spawn and, together, he and Nic Cage must prepare to stop Doctor Octopus from releasing Morgana le Fay upon the world again. Now this is where the movie kind of loses me. I mean, Doc Ock makes for a great evil Fight Wizard, but I just don’t understand why he only carries around a magic staff when he could easily have four mechanical wand-arms coming out of his back. I guess it might be a budget thing. Or Nic Cage refusing to be upstaged in awesomeness.
That’s pretty much it. Disgruntled middle aged wizards fighting for evil and love and the fate of the world and over whether or not an undead wizard zombacalypse will occur. Yes, that’s le Fay’s master plan. Undead wizard zombie uprising. Zombie wizards people! Nic Cage and the American Scottish viking kid must stop magical Doctor Octopus from unleashing zombie wizard hell on Earth itself. They do this by way of magic, physics, a Tesla Coil, and satellite dishes.
This movie is just a fun ride. That’s all it needs to be. Nothing about wizards needing to be symbolic of deities or wise and objective moral guides. No scarves or wizard schools. Just magic guys having fun magic fights. More than once I found myself feeling nostalgic while watching it. Something about the entire movie felt very 90’s. In all the best ways. Though I still can’t put my finger on why.
On a personal note, I just want to say that this movie has inspired me right down to my soul. I now know that if ever I have the chance to get a movie made, it has to be “Nic Cage: Secret Vatican Warlock Assassin” and it needs to be a series of at least five movies. The third or fourth one must take place in space. Maybe I can get David Bowie in there too.
-
http://www.geek-life.com Tiarra W.
Affiliates
