Geek Beat: Modern Grindhouse Movies You Need To See
Obligatory NSFW warning so, you know, don’t get caught.
Of all the movie genres, none are more so niche than Grindhouse. Very much an acquired taste, Grindhouse has seen a resurgence in recent years thanks to Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino’s double feature of the same name. While the exploitation roots are still very much present, the genre has grown to encompass so much more – the absolute over-the-top, the down right bizarre, balls-to-the-wall extreme violence and gore and a whole lot of sex. And that’s just to name a few.
For mindless fun, you can’t go far wrong, and though some may disagree, Grindhouse has a broader appeal than what you might think. Sure the “bro” culture will probably take the most of out a viewing strictly on face value – and quite possibly “Hipsters” too if it’s in vogue – but avid film buffs and connoisseurs, even academics, will drink them up for their highly stylised writing; direction and acting; the deliberate mistakes and artistic flourishes and gritty atmosphere. If you’re into them and have an appreciation for film as an art form, then they make for an extremely rewarding watch. If you’re not and just want a bloody good ride, then you’ll be hard pressed to find something less entertaining.
So, grab your shotguns, put on some obscure but insanely good music which you’ll totally need on your iPod later, and jump on the back of the jeep with the scantily-clad ladies packing more heat than an Arnie flick. Modern Grindhouse titles, ‘ere we go.
Planet Terror
What do you expect? Of course this one had to make the list; it’s partially responsible for the franchise’s mainstream revival. Why this is in over Death Proof (which in one of my favourite films of all times) is that ‘Planet Terror’ delivers a rip-roaring riotous rampage of blood, guts, guns and zombies. Kinda. Plus, a chick with a machine-gun for a leg and Fergie gets her brain scooped clean out of her skull. Rose McGowan stars as lead Cherry Darling, a go-go dancer with a swathe of “useless talents” who quits the pole in pursuit of becoming a stand-up comedian (the irony comes later), but when the town gets infected by a biological weapon-come-crack for a bunch of soldiers and those exposed mutate into zombies, Cherry and her mysterious ex, El Wray along with a ragtag bunch of survivors must fight to escape. Explosions, the film-grain dial turned to eleven, celluloid burns and doing the crab to avoid a rocket. Just don’t let Sayid get to close to your balls, guys. (Editor’s note: And since you’re watching this anyway, watch Death Proof, too. Just do it. Now. I’ll wait. -T)
The Machine Girl
Starting to think that I might have a thing for girls with limbs replaced by weapons. 2008’s ‘The Machine Girl’ tells the story of Ami, one of those Japanese schoolgirls who looks like they make heart-shapes with their hands and exclaim “kawaii” at passing kittens whilst going weak at the knees, whose life derails into an awesome display of complete and utter randomness and revenge when her brother gets on the wrong side of the heir to a Ninja-Yakuza clan. Out for blood, she soon finds herself captive of the clan who torture her and hack of her arm. She escapes and is befriended by a mechanic who takes her in and aids her in her quest for blood by fashioning her a machine-gun. For her arm. It’s kinda like ‘Kill Bill’ but basically without Uma Thurman and the Pussy Wagon. But what it lacks in credentials and The Bride, it more than makes up for in drill-bras and death by slipping on wee and more flaying and blood spray than you can shake a katana at. It also spawned a side-story movie called ‘Shyness Machine Girl’ which sees a friend of Ami’s also take up a machine-gun arm as well as one that comes out of her bottom. It is now my sole purpose in life to see this spinoff.
Crank: High Voltage
Going into this film, in absolutely no way did I think that this Jason Statham’s sequel would turn out to be a Grindhouse flick. Seriously. I saw the first one, and sure it had on-screen annotations and stuff to give it a slight quirk, but ‘High Voltage’ takes the biscuit and runs with it. Finding himself on the operating table after the events of the first movie, drugged and out of it, Chev Chelios has had his heart removed and replaced with a temporary artificial heart that keeps him alive so long as it is charged, long enough for the his captors to harvest all of his organs. When he hears that they’re about to remove his Jacobs*, Chev springs to life and goes to town on the doctors before escaping to go get his Strawberry Tart** back. follows is Statham roaming L.A., chasing down the Triad responsible and killing all and sundry in his way. Oh, and has a nearly five minute sex scene with Amy Smart on a horse racing course with punters cheering them on, throwing him a cowboy hat and generally having a good time. And Chev having to crocodile-clip his tongue and hug a transformer. And a bizarre, random scene where Chev gets so juiced up that he hallucinates that he and his foe are doing a Godzilla and destroy a power-plant complete with deliberate mask-zips, drawn backgrounds and stage-wires. And it has an 8-bit intro. And Pedro from ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ as Venus who pronounces his own name as “Penis” on account of a lisp who has Full Body Tourette’s. Blimey, I loved this film.
Crank/Cockney Translation:
*Jacobs – testicles, also see bollocks.
**Strawberry Tart – heart.
Eden Lake
So I had to give one true, pure example of a modern exploitation movie and ‘Eden Lake’ not only owns that title, but it takes it out to a secluded country patch, relentless terrorises it for what seems an age and then stabs it in the neck and burns it alive. This film is so unashamedly brutal and would ordinarily be reserved solely for the horror ranks, but it is undeniable – especially so after watching – that this is an exploitation film, on par with (but not quite) the original “OH GOD WHY” movie, ‘I Spit on Your Grave.’ Jenny and her boyfriend (he of the Fassbender, yes, he’s in it Fangirls and boys) Steve go to the country for a weekend away from the city. Pleasant scenery aside, it’s less a quaint English village so much so as what I like to dub “Chav-ville.” They’re provoked by a gang of youths who ruin their time at the lake through some first childish acts that soon take a turn for the… darker side. They relentlessly, and mercilessly, pursue Jenny and Steve through the woods in a disgusting and uncomfortable display of torture and complete and utter bile. I felt seriously exhausted after seeing it and a bit sick at just how things turn out. This isn’t the “fun” Grindhouse as seen in the other examples. This is harrowing. And for that, you need to see this film.
Mum & Dad
A good rule of thumb is that if someone called “Birdie” offers you to stay the night at theirs, don’t. Especially if you’re a Polish cleaner. ‘Mum & Dad’ is one of the strangest and most deranged films I’ve quite possibly ever seen. It starts off somewhat topical and current affairs-ish with Lena, aforementioned cleaner, working at Heathrow Airport in London, alone in a foreign country trying to make a living doing cheap labour. When she misses her bus, her co-worker Birdie (see what I did there?) offers her to stay the night at her Mum and Dad’s nearby. With barely a foot in the door, Lena is knocked out and sedated by Dad and when she awakens, she finds herself strung up in a darkened room. Descending into a spiral of weird and perversion, Lena is trapped in their house and is subject to Dad’s sick kicks of exerting his authority and Mum’s sadistic matriarchic ways while ensuring that Dad is “pleased.” The claustrophobic and heavy atmosphere coupled with the absolute bizarre displays such as what goes in Mum’s “sausages”, Dad’s preferred breakfast viewing, “Christmas” and what’s up in the loft. The only way Lena can survive is to become part of the family, or else she could meet the fate of Mum and Dad’s past “children.” Definitely an entry more at the darker end of the Grindhouse spectrum.
Black Dynamite
Richard Nixon kung-fu battle at the Whitehouse. That right there should be more than enough reason to drop whatever the hell you’re doing this very minute, go rent this movie and kick back and laugh your guts out. Filmed authentically on 16mm,‘Black Dynamite’ is a spoof of the Blaxploitation movies of the 1970s and is set in such. Playing to the staples of the genre, CIA agent Black Dynamite is out for revenge after his brother is murdered and vows to take down the drug syndicate responsible for getting black orphans hooked on heroin. Also staring the rather lovely Salli Richardson of ‘Eureka’ fame, the movie is just a slick, stylish and thoroughly awesome ride with soul, afros and nunchucks galore and, oddly enough, works as a sort of period piece. “I get off in fifteen minutes.” “You’re right about that…” Again, Richard Nixon kung-fu battle. Need I say more?
-
Lafilmnerd
Affiliates
