Trailer Park: (Very) Loose Literary Adaptation Edition
New trailers! View them with your eyeballs. Listen to them with your earballs. Enjoy them with your brain.
The Three Musketeers 3D
Far away from the huge buzz and constant scrutiny surrounding blockbusters like Transformersand Avengers, Paul W.S. Anderson has been working on an adaptation of the classic novel The Three Musketeers. He appears to take some… liberties with the material. For one thing, I don’t remember crazy blimps in the book. Or bullet time. Perhaps this is no surprise considering that Anderson is the man who brought you Alien vs. Predator and the Resident Evilfilms [Editors note: His lolcanon approach makes me a sad RE fanboy panda --R]. As for casting? Well, Orlando Bloom’s in this. He’s your dream D’Artagnan, you say? Ah, well, it appears he playing a villain and they got Paris Hilton’s pool boy to play the lead. I kid, but… this guy has no charisma. In more i nteresting casting, Christoph Waltz is playing Cardinal Richelieu and Milla Jovovich appears to be some sort of assassin lady (she flips in petticoats!). Honestly, I would be all for a bizarre blimpified version of this story, but the dialogue in this trailer is so awful that it’s hard to have faith any other aspect. See for yourself:
Brave
In other news, it is about freakin’ time Pixar made a movie about a girl, and on the plus side it looks AMAZING. This one-minute teaser for Brave hit the net this week, and it involves a curly-haired, red-headed girl trying to shoot a bear with her bow and arrow. It gets me very excited while giving away very little about the movie. I’m a sucker for the Celtic-ness, what can I say?
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
You know, I tend to forget about the Tom Cruise Mission Impossible movies when they’re not in theaters, but when they are in theaters, I think I’ve enjoyed every one of them. Well, I partly enjoyed M:I2 because it was so ridiculous (they play chicken on motorcycles!) but that is neither here nor there. This movie, the fourth in the series, marks the live action debut of director Brad Bird, known for animated films include The Incrediblesand The Iron Giant. Cruise is indeed here, along with Jeremy Renner. Word has it they want to set Renner up for future installments of the franchise. Also included are Simon Pegg, Josh Holloway, Tom Wilkinson, et al. I’m not sure I’m on board with the use of Eminem, but it’s hard to go wrong with a guy climbing on the Burj Khalifa.
Immortals
I know that this just looks like the sequel to 300, and trailer really wants you to think that, but bear with me here. This is a big budget action movie directed by Tarsem Singh, who made The Cell and, more recently, The Fall. Very few people saw The Fall, but it was one of the most visually stunning films I’ve ever seen. If Tarsem (as he’s often known) can translate even a fraction of that to more mainstream sword-and-sandals epics, watch out. The plot? King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) is leading an army to try and overthrow the gods. Only Theseus (Henry Cavill, aka the New Superman) can stand in his way. In the meantime, awesome stuff will happen. Check this out:
Flypaper
Here we have an original film that actually looks interesting. What do you want to bet it does nothing at the box office? Well, that’s no skin off my nose. Honestly, I never thought a trailer for a movie starring Patrick Dempsey and Ashley Judd would look this appealing, but it does. It looks like a weird heist film (“from the writers of The Hangover“), but there are hints of something even stranger going on. Two teams of criminals try to rob the same bank simultaneously. Dempsey suggests they just go ahead with it. I love his reaction to getting kissed here. A lot of great work for character actors, too. I’ll definitely be checking this one out when it hits theaters, whenever that may be.
Till next time, we get to the theater early so you don’t have to.
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