Video Game Review: Duke Nukem Forever

Duke Nukem Forever
Genre(s): FPS/Action/Sci-Fi/Grindhouse
Rating: M (US), BBFC 18 (UK), PEGI 18+ (EU), MA15+ (AU)
Players: Single player, multiplayer
Publisher: 2K Games
Developer: 3D Realms, Triptych, Gearbox Software
Console(s): Xbox 360/PlayStation 3/PC
Description: The Alien invaders are stealing Earth’s women, especially the hot ones! And they drank Duke’s beer. Time to bring the pain.

 
Please note that some of the language below is NSFW, but at least they’re not in bold like this warning so, you know, you should be good.

 
So it has come to this. After over a decades wait, here I am, not running rampant around Las Vegas, shooting Pig Cops with equal hilariously over-the-top guns and consequences, but rather standing playing pool in Duke’s man-mansion. How long I’ve been playing pool though, I couldn’t tell you. Between getting engrossed in the baited breath that potting all will reward me with an achievement and hearing his two sex-twins tell me to stop “playing with my balls” – which seems rich considering moments before clapping eyes on the pool-table, they were both servicing Duke – I’d have to say it was quite some time. Reports of my purposefully missing in the early rounds just to hear the twins talk dirty were sadly not a lie.

Potting the last ball, the twins clapped or something, Duke presumably got a little too happy by the guttural exhale and my Ego bar grew. Not a euphuism. But there was no achievement. I made a noise on the opposite end of the scale more akin to a whine than anything else, sauntered Duke to the lift and actually began the game.

Duke Nukem Forever is finally here – well, not for those from Duke’s home country, but you’ve waited this long – but the man himself’s reply when asked by the twins if the game he was playing that serves as the teaser was any good, “Yeah, but after twelve fucking years it should be,” is less a truth than it was a hope.

Let’s make one thing clear – this was never going to be the breakaway hit that many hoped for and would in turn garner new fans; though I’m sure some will be made; this was never going to be able to compete or best some of the more refined shooters, and even the spiritual successor to the franchise, Bulletstorm. More, this was never going to outdo Duke Nukem 3D and be what Judgement Day was to the Terminator films, and really, I don’t think anyone expected such, not even the developers. It was, however, going to be a niche title with an all encompassing appeal to existing fans, with roots firmly grounded in cult infamy thanks to it being pushed from pillar to post for so long.

If you go into this expecting the former, or as a longtime fan expecting to be blown away, then you’ll honestly be disappointed. If you go in with the excitement of having Duke back on your console and just want some mindless fun with some top-notch humour and pop-culture references, then your blood and bro-lust will be sated. What lies before you is a game with genuine soul that undeniably pays fan service, particularly for those who played the classic entires in the series, providing a refreshing if sometimes frustrating nostalgia that is marred by the expectation of the community and ultimately suffers under its own weight in no thanks to its legendary fame and notoriety.

Taking a leaf out of the previous titles, Duke Nukem Forever, is the direct sequel to the critically acclaimed Duke Nukem 3D, and the story picks up years after events with Duke risen to celebrity status for saving the world from the aliens. Yep, you’ve guessed it, they’ve come back and they want revenge; but they’re not just getting their kumbaya-ya’s out by destroying Las Vegas (which they totally do anyway, and before Tiarra chimes in with her inevitable Editor’s Note, I mentally created a side-story where she’s using her Ginger powers to vanquish the encroaching aliens), they’re also abducting all the women. To quote Duke, “Not my babes. Not in my town. You alien motherfuckers are gonna pay for this.”

But really, the story isn’t what you’ll be interested in. The action and gunplay is where its but isn’t as immensely satisfying as you’d think or, again, hoped. It’s good, don’t get me wrong, but combat is gimped unnecessarily by Duke only being able to carry two weapons about his person. It boggles the mind why they’ve followed the Halo mentality of a limited arsenal; granted it offers some strategic thinking, but really, strategic thinking and Duke Nukem are two things that should never be in the same sentence or paragraph. What’s also missing is perhaps the most iconic weapon – the Mighty Boot. Technically, it’s not, rather redistributed to a chance quick-time-event where Duke can perform an execution to dazed enemies, but it really is chance if you get to see some leather boot making with the nasty to an aliens mooshkie. Despite the misgivings, it is a decent shooter and its saving grace is that it does manage to capture the grandiose blood and guts that the Duke is known for.

Graphically, it’s a mixed bag, honestly. There are moments where the visuals are surprisingly good, mainly the flavor flourishes such as beads of water and steam that fog up your screen along with some competitive lightning effects. It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for a stark contrast in setting that makes the dip in graphics obvious. Stepping out for the lavish casino onto the remnants of The Strip is where it’s truly noticeable. Perhaps it was a deliberate quirk to hark back to when such a set would have been worthy of an awe from the couch. Yet, through the all the grey and questionable draw-distance – and some unexpectedly cool destructible environment mechanics and fore and background focusing – the most disappointing is the amount of graphical bugs. Textures popping in and out, slow rendering, haloed models that create a kaleidoscope effect of the textures behind certain models. Worse still is that the load times are quite possibly the lengthiest that I’ve come across in… well, twelve years. Maybe that is pushing it, but it does kinda feel that long compared to what we’ve been spoiled with.

As mentioned at the beginning, the Ego bar is now Duke’s health and thankfully has been brought into line with current similar games in that it replenishes over time when you realise how much damage you take. Initially it starts off low, but you can increase it permanently by interacting with the world and various items such as the pool table. They do take you out of the action, but not in a bad way. If anything, it enriches an otherwise bland level design, and definitely helps to pad out proceedings and this level of interactivity is what Duke Nukem 3D was applauded for, and is easily one aspect of DNF that feels the best implemented and evolved from its predecessor.

It feels dated, it looks dated, and it’s sad.

I wouldn’t say that the times have moved on and that there isn’t a place for Duke in the current gaming landscape, the humor and carnage-porn that is a staple of the franchise has seen a resurgence in recent years thanks to the rise of the Grindhouse movie genre; but by that same token, Duke shouldn’t try to fit in. The added driving sections in particular, and even the addition of the Railgun – DNF’s answer to the standard sniper rifle – feel like they try to go out of their way to bring the game inline with the checklists presented in other such games, when in actual fact, in some small part, detract from the pure essence of the franchise.

Perhaps the biggest benefit now that the game has at long last has seen the light of day, is that the developers can finally rid themselves of the stigma of the whole saga, and lay Forever to rest allowing them – providing there’s some decent sales which some the games infamy alone should secure – to wipe the slate clean and go back to the heart of the franchise and bring to the table an outing truly deserving of our patience.

If you can set aside what you’ve grown accustomed to from a conventional shooter, then you’ll have a rip-roaring, balls-to-the-wall good time and it helps to remind yourself that Duke Nukem isn’t to be taken seriously, even if after the wait the results don’t leave you with a heady high. The most important thing is that for fans of the Duke and those with an appreciation for cult B-movies, there’s a lot of fun to be had that will justify you going back for more, if only to wrack up the achievements.

 
“Damn it, why do they always take the hot ones?”

 
Duke Nukem Forever is finally out in Europe, Australia and Japan now for the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 and PC, and released tomorrow in the US.