Surfing Drama: Game of Thrones – “You Win or You Die”

“I’ve always wanted to read Game of Thrones spoilers.” “Well, I’ve always wanted to be a wizard.”

 
Only a really good TV show could pull off what Game of Thrones did this week. Ned Stark is the closest thing we have to a hero/main character, and at the end of this episode we found him completely blindsided by developments that came as a surprise and yet once they happen seem almost inevitable to the viewer. I’ve seen shows turn their hero into an idiot to try to accomplish something like this, but Ned’s actions make perfect sense every step of the way. He’s just too righteous a guy in situations where that’s just not what’s called for. As a viewer, I wasn’t left yelling at Ned, I was left sympathizing with him. This is neat trick, my friends.

So this was the episode where the shiznit really hit the fan (yeah, that’s right, I said “shiznit.”) We open with tensions reaching a breaking point between the Starks and the Lannisters. Ned and Cersei have a wonderful conversation in a courtyard where he tells her he knows about her and Jamie’s whole deal, and she admits it but essentially says she doesn’t think Ned will do anything about it. “When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die,” she says. We have a title! Anyway, Ned says he’s going to tell King Robert, but before he can the really big news is delivered… Robert has been mortally wounded by a boar while hunting and is now on his deathbed. Robert may have been derided by almost every character as an ineffective king, a drunk, and a letch, but he was the one thing keeping everything from devolving into total chaos, as we quickly learn.

Robert tries to make Ned “Lord Protector” of the realm until Joffrey comes of age, though Ned switches Joffrey’s name for “rightful heir” to fudge things a little. Ned formulates a plan to try to publicly expose Cersei’s duplicity and put Robert’s yet-unseen brother Stannis on the throne. Stannis was a warrior and all-around seems like Ned’s kind of guy. He calls in Littlefinger for help, and our favorite whore-house owner pitches an alternate, more devious plan involving accepting Joffrey in the short-term in order to control him long enough to move against all the Lannisters. But Ned has none of it. He then gets another, less involved pitch from Renly, basically saying “I’m right here, I have a lot of guys with swords, I’d be a good King, if you back me this might actually work instead of whatever the hell your plan is.” Ned rejects this too.

So he sends for Stannis, but both he and the audience are soon caught flat-footed. Robert has died (off-screen!) and Cersei has already managed to install Joffrey on the throne… which is a big deal, because it means that before Ned can do anything else he has to pull Joffrey off the throne. Littlefinger joins Ned on the way to the throne room, bringing along a bunch of the City Guard (just in case), but he learns that Renly has left the capital (to gather an army?). They head to the Throne room, where a dramatic confrontation ensues. Ned has Robert’s proclamation making him Lord Protector, but Cersei says “it’s just paper” and tears it up in front of everyone. Ned says Joffrey’s not Robert’s kid; Joffrey pitches a fit and yells “Kill all of them!” Chaos reigns, guards start dying on both sides, and then Littlefinger is holding a knife at Ned’s throat: “I told you not to trust me.” Cut to black.

There are three episodes left in this season. While everyone’s fighting among themselves in King’s Landing, the White Walkers are gathering in the North, as evidenced by Jon’s wolf pup bringing him a severed arm at his initiation ceremony, and the Dothraki Horde is planning an invasion (we’ll talk more about this). So while this might have felt like finale-level stuff, it seems like it’s only going to get hairier. Game of Thrones took a while to get rolling, but now that it has it feels a little like a runaway train. Everything that came before, both during the series and in that history the characters are so fond of talking about, is barrelling down the rails at us. It’s kinda beautiful.

 
Bits

- A lot of people were talking after this episode about that scene in the whorehouse where Littlefinger talks about his past and his feelings for Catalyn. While his speech was well delivered, this show sometimes seems to think that we won’t be interested in some exposition-y scenes if it doesn’t spice them up with naked prostitutes. I’m not saying Game of Thrones invented this tactic, but it has turned it into its own cliché, and it has inspired online critic Myles McNutt to give it the awesome name that seems to have stuck, “sexposition.” However, in this case I would argue that, in this case, the Sexposition served a valid purpose… this is the scene where Littlefinger is basically telling us what the big twist at the end of the episode is going to be, but we probably miss that because, well, he does it in the form of teaching newbie prostitutes to fake an orgasm.

- Speaking of: “I’m not going to fight them, I’m going to f*** them. That’s what I know. That’s what I am. And only by admitting what we are can we get what we want.” Littlefinger’s not kidding, is he? Ask Ned at the end of the episode how f****ed he really is.

- I said last week that Daenarys has my favorite character arc on this show, and it continued this week. This, at least, Ned was right about: the assassination attempts backfires terribly, pissing off Khal Drogo and setting off a Dothraki Horde on a mission to conquer the Seven Kingdoms. And because we like Daenarys so much it’s easy to be cheering Drogo on as he yells about how he’s going to take the Iron Throne for his kid… until he gets to the part about burning the country to the ground and raping everybody and we’re like “Oh… are you cool with this Daenarys?” And she is. Our meek little girl is now Atillina the Hun, and I totally buy it.

- Is it me, or was the assassination attempt really… lame. We overheard Varys the other week basically saying he wanted a great big clusterfrak of a war. Did he have it botched on purpose? Is he the real “Big Bad” of the entire season?

- I bet Ned’s going to wish now that he’d gotten his daughters out of the city when he wanted to originally, huh? Even though Sansa and Arya didn’t appear in this episode, I have a feeling they’ll be a big part of events going forward. So, does Sansa still think she’s going to get to marry Joffrey and be queen? If so, whose side is she going to be on?

- Also, I’m waiting for Arya to just stab the crap out of somebody at a key moment in this series. This needs to happen.

- I’ve heard from a couple readers of the George R.R. Martin books that they really think the TV series improves upon the books, especially when it’s pulling a scene directly from them and you can compare the two versions. Would anyone who has read the books care to comment on this without spoiling future episodes?

- Game of Thrones officially passed Doctor Who this week, not for “my favorite show on TV” but for “my favorite opening theme on TV.” I think it’s the cellos. They just do it for me. Who’s still great, don’t get me wrong, but I love themes that get me so exicited that a show is on. The Buffy theme used to be great for hopping around the room to because you were so pumped a new episode was on (what… don’t look at me like that). Now I sing along loudly to the GoT theme and annoy my neighbors. Bum buuuum bumbumbum BUUUM bumbumbuuuum. Heck yes!

 
That’s probably enough for this week. How are they going to top “You Win or You Die” next week? I have no idea, but I can’t wait to find out.

About Dan

Dan Joslyn grew up in Ohio but now lives in Las Vegas, NV with his lovely ginger girlfriend, Tiarra, where he works as an office monkey. He enjoys reviewing movies and television for the site, and over-analyzing such things. He may be the Chosen One… but he probably isn’t.

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