Wyrm’s Turn: Mom and Dad Save the World!

This year, I turn 29. My parents bought me my first Dungeons & Dragons boxed set when I was only 10 years old. Although my dad helped me with that very first game, neither parent has expressed an interest since. Last week, they finally agreed to play, and it was awesome! To give you an idea of their geek cred, here’s a rundown. My folks are nerdcore; they met in the SCA (the Society for Creative Anachronism). Those are the people you see hitting each other with boffer swords and telling people all about book binding and other old world crafts at Renaissance Faires. My folks both love Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Doctor Who (new and old), Star Trek, the Dresden Files, and Harry Potter. Raised by these people you can see where the chances of my sister and I growing up to be anything but dyed-in-the-wool geeks were slim. That said, my parents have always been pretty cool.

My dad, the Episcopal Priest and part-time nurse, has numerous sermons according to Buffy, Harry Potter, Dracula, and many other geek-culture favorites. How many people’s moms taught them how to cook Gully Dwarf Stew or Fizban’s Fireball Chilli with recipe’s from Dragonlance’s Leaves from the Inn of the Last Home? How many parents will take you on trips to see nearly every surviving actor that has played Doctor Who in his original seven incarnations? Not many, none that I’ve met at least. My parents have always let their geek flag fly, but never, not once in years had they ever expressed an interest in playing one of my favorite games and consummate hobbies, D&D.

So imagine my surprise when I broached the subject over Sunday brunch, and they said yes! Now I had to preface it as something for one of my articles. My parents are always supportive of my creative endeavors, and they’ve been great about giving me honest feedback about my writing. So it’s natural that they’d want to participate in this part of my life “for posterity,” but I was surprised at how easy it was. I tried not to push it too hard, but I did ask tentatively what they might want to play. Dad said he’d like to be a thief, something that’s a cross between James Bond, Sherlock Holmes, and Doctor Who. Mom’s ideas skewed more towards high fantasy, as she wanted to play a faerie. A tough sell since I haven’t seen rules for playing faeries since second edition, but I was sure we could find a compromise.

One of the reasons I wanted to run my folks through a game was because I wanted to test out the new D&D Essentials, Heroes of the Fallen Lands and the new D&D Red Box. I had picked these items up with the intent of reviewing them, but as I read through them I became truly impressed by the revamp they had done to Fourth Edition. When Wizards of the Coast came out with Fourth Edition they alienated a lot of old school players with their At-Wills, Encounter, Utility, and Daily powers. Something that always struck me as odd was that fighters, rogues, and other martial characters had daily powers at all. It makes sense if a wizard casts his Crazy Smackdown Spell™, and can only do it once per day. But seriously my 1st level thief can only switch places with his buddies once before having to rest at least six hours? And is my fighter so poorly trained that his special moves only go off without a hitch once per sleeping cycle? That just doesn’t work for me.

With Essentials the only people who still have to worry about Dailies are Wizards and Clerics. Fighters and Rogues for the most part make Basic Attacks, two at-will stances for fighters and movement tricks for rogues. It’s as simple as that. Wizards have gotten a revamp too with modifications on Magic Missile that makes it the unerring low-damage attack of the old days. Aside from some standard spells in the Fallen Lands book, in the Red Box, Wizards have some pretty sweet spells including “Slippery Transmutation,” a daily spell that turns your enemies into slimy, hoppy toads. My mom’s Eladrin, Mimi the Mage had an itchy wand finger to try this one out, and the group had to convince her it was worth the wait to hold on to it; but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Getting started took a lot less time than it would with a standard group. I’d enlisted the help of my perennially armed ginger accomplice Mike the Redd, and my equally ginger, but thankfully unarmed wife, Ash. For ease and party balance I had already created a number of pre-made characters for my two melanin challenged players to choose from, but I really wanted to see how easy it was for a total newbie to make a character using the new rules. My parents were said newbs. My dad was relatively easy to help. He wanted to play a Rogue with the “Heroic Thief” build. When I asked him if he’d rather play a cleric, he begged off because “it would be too much like work.” After weighing the racial and thematic benefits he settled on an Elf named Renard, a play on our family name.

Mom was a little more difficult. As I had said she wanted to be a faerie, to be able to fly and cast spells at people. We settled on Eladrin, and then set about making a Wizard with the “Heroic Mage” build. Mom grew impatient with the length of time it was taking to make her character, with all of the spell choices, and feats and skills, even the Essential Mage takes a bit of work. I usually suggest the Wizard class for more experienced players, just because of all of the work involved in keeping up with your character. Wizards are probably the least changed of the Essential classes, surpassed in complexity only by the Cleric “Warpriest” build, which has more powers than you can shake a stick at.

Once characters were finished, we got down to business. For the sake of brevity we skipped the single player, choose your adventure style intro in the Player’s Guide and jumped right into the main quest. The group had been hired by a merchant to track down the thieves responsible for stealing a chest he had been transporting. The PCs set out from the town of Fallcrest and quickly encountered goblin scouts and their trained wolves. The group made short work of them, but not without Lugore the Slayer and Renard the Thief almost getting torn apart by goblins and wolves. My mom could barely restrain herself from turning her foes into frogs, and the only thing that staid her wand was that she’d only be able to do it once. When my wife shouted out something about attacking the enemies AC (Armor Class), my mom innocently asked what his air conditioner had anything to do with it.

At the goblin’s lair the party had a Monty Hall moment when they had to choose between two different entrances within what looked like a natural cave. After a quick nature check they determined one door had kobold tracks around it, the other goblins’. Though the party was sure goblins were behind the theft, they figured that kobolds would be an easier fight. Unfortunately for them, the kobolds worshiped a young white dragon that also had staked out space in the dungeon.

When faced with the dragon the party debated between running or doing battle. My mom in the spirit of the eager Mimi suggested turning it into a frog. The cry went out, “Julie wants to turn it into a toad!” My answer was simply, “Are you sure you want to turn a dragon into a toad?” The party decided to try and negotiate with the dragon first, but after a series of disastrous rolls the dragon, fearful these were thieves come to steal his hoard, roared into action. Lugore and Mimi got the initiative, and the dragon was a tiny hopping toad before he even got a hit in. “I just wanted to turn something into a frog!” my mom opined.

At this point my wife’s character, Brenda the Dwarf Cleric of Thor grabbed the only kobold that had witnessed the transformation and threw him into the hallway where the others had gathered. “Stand back or I’ll turn you all into toads!” she snarled. The cowardly kobolds scattered, allowing the party to chuck the toad into another room, spike the door and figure out if they wanted to loot the dragon’s hoard or just run. We had to call it a night at this point, but my parents requested another game later in the week. Success! We made plans for the following Sunday, and this time mom made shrimp creole. One advantage of inviting my mom is that food is always involved, and excellent.

That Sunday, the characters had regrouped at the doorway to the dungeon, unchallenged by the quavering reptilian kobolds. Suddenly there was the sound of a door banging open then shut, then again the sound of a second door and the patter of tiny footfalls. The lead kobold came charging around the corner and flung something at the adventurers. “Save us master!” he cried as he flung the dragon/toad at the adventurers. The party decided at this point to try and move the toad. Using the spell Mage Hand, my mom had Mimi fling the toad further down the hall. Unfortunately the dragon finally made his saving throw, and the party was staring down the snout of a very angry white dragon. The hallway filled with frost as the dragon unleashed his icy breath weapon on the PCs. Mike’s Elf Fighter was downed by a few claws and bites by the dragon, the rest of the party now had to contend with the kobolds emboldened by the return of their draconic master.

It was a long fight, and a very close one before the party finally vanquished the kobolds and the vicious dragon. “Pew pew!” my mom exclaimed, unknowingly verbalizing the international sound for Magic Missiles as she finished off the last of the kobolds. I knew they’d be naturals! After the fight, they spiked all of the doors to the chamber they occupied. They rested, divided the dragon’s hoard, and explored the rooms previously occupied by their foes. On his watch, as the rest of the party slept Renard the rogue checked the next hallway. He discovered a goblin laughing as it watched an R.O.U.S. (Rodent of unusual size) chew on the edge of a rather new looking rug. He reported back to his party and when they had all properly rested they made their way into the next room…

We’ve played a total of three games since that first Wednesday night. The characters successfully cleared the next room of its inhabitants, even if poor Lugore fell victim to a concealed pit trap. They’ve pushed even further into the dungeon, each room providing the challenges, traps, foes and fun. I’d like to think I’ve changed my parent’s minds on D&D. My dad seemed to enjoy himself more at this game than I’ve ever seen him enjoy any game. His unerring ability to roll natural twenties hasn’t hurt. We’ve had to take a break due to work, a cousin’s wedding, and an impending meeting with my old friend and fellow Geek Lifer, Cape Rust. I’m crossing my fingers on maybe getting another kind of game going after this, or even a campaign! My birthday is coming up, and I treated myself to the new Gamma World boxed set. Maybe we can roll up some random mutants and quest after the lost treasures of the Lemp Mansion in old Zantluz.

No matter what happens after this, I’ve done what few gamers ever get a chance to do. I’ve introduced my mom and dad to one of the best games I’ve ever played, and they loved it. We shared laughs, pizza, and good times around the gaming table. I’d say that the game itself was a critical hit, and it only took a year for almost every side of my favorite dice. Sometimes our parents teach us, sometimes we can teach them, but it’s always fun to learn something new. Until next time, may you keep rollin’ twenties!

About Stygian Jim

Stygian Jim was born in Missouri, but his family later settled in the Florida Keys. It is there that our benighted correspondent spent his formative years, and it is there he lives to this day. A consummate gamer geek he whiles away his life planning dramatic stories and plots for people and places that do not exist, and besting his compatriots at games of strategy.

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