Geek-Cube: Lunch Thieves
Here’s a scenario for you: It’s lunch time, and you’ve been anticipating your leftovers from the fine steakhouse you and your significant other ate at last night. Perhaps it’s a fine filet mignon. Or, if you’re vegetarian, perhaps it’s a tasty veggie lasagna that’s got your name all over it. You clock out for lunch and make your way to the break room fridge, anticipating the tasty goodness waiting in your lunch bag. You open it to fine it’s… MISSING. Some thief has your noms! “FIE!” you cry out (in your mind) as you think of all of the horrible little things you want to do to the thief. How do you protect your lunch so that this does not happen again?
The way I always protected my lunch was to bring an insulated lunch bag which I would keep under my cubicle desk or in a drawer of my filing cabinet. To keep my food cool, I’d use freezer blocks. Maybe it’s being a bit paranoid, but keeping my food close to me meant that I knew where it was at all times and knew that no one else was getting into it. (Of course, it also helps that I eat mostly raw foods. For some reason, food thieves tend to stay away from healthy things.) The other benefit of doing this is that when I felt peckish and couldn’t leave my desk, I would just grab something from my convenient lunch bag! No having to stop working, and no temptation of the vending machine.
I also noticed that if you bring the raw ingredients to prepare your food yourself and keep them in the break room fridge, thieves tend to stay away from that as well. I could take my salad-fixings out and chop up a nice salad for me and my friends to share for lunch. I could also prepare microwaved sauce to pour over noodles. Bringing food in bulk is a definite dissuasive tool, though it most likely will mean more effort on your part. This works best if you know that you’re going to be sharing your lunch with a friend. Again, healthy food tends to dissuade food thieves.
There are other tools out there to keep your lunch safe! One option is to bring a lunch back that can be padlocked closed. This way, they would have to tear the bag or break your lock to steal your food. Another option is using one of these anti-theft lunch bags. They’re marked with sickly green spots so that your food looks moldy. There are more extreme methods I’ve heard of, such as rigging a battery to your lunch bag that would shock anyone that tries to take it, but methods like that will likely get you very very fired, or at least earn you a stern talking-to. Some people have success by simply writing things like “If you steal my lunch, you’re the world’s biggest loser” on it, though if someone feels they have to steal someone’s lunch, chances are they already realize that they’re a big loser.
Now, there are people out there who advocate getting revenge on thieves. Among the ways I’ve found are to coat food with a laxative or to replace tuna salad with cat food. Some simply leaves notes advising of such revenge techniques simply as a deterrent in and of itself. I personally do not advocate doing such a thing, though I do admit that I have been very tempted to do that once or twice. I would suggest that if you want to catch the thief, check your lunch periodically. If this happens more than once, you’ll be able to find a time frame and advise office security. There are workplaces that do take this seriously!
In the end, it’s better to be safe than sorry, so I’d go with the locking lunch bag or keeping it by your desk as I did. Both are cheaper than having your lunch stolen and eating out. If any of you lovely readers have had this situation happen before, please let the rest of us know what you did or if you have any other tips. Just remember, only you can prevent lunch thievery!
Geek-Cube is a weekly column about integrating your geek life with your work environment.
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